Drifting thoughts. Words unspoken.

"You have to be odd to be number one."

Reblogged from killbobaggings

Dr. Seuss

This changed me

(via reveriesofawriter)

(Source: lsd-soaked-tampon)

Antithesis

Whatever did He want?

I want to hate Him for persistentlty ‘testing’ my faith. I want to question His sense of fairness. Have I not had my fair share of trials yet? Has He not seen enough?

I am mad because just when I’m about to raise my case, He’ll show me people who have it way worse, eclipsing my entitlement to these sentiments, refuting the validity of my arguments, making me feel ungrateful of my blessings. I am mad because in my helplessness, I feel like it’s not even acceptable to feel bad. I am mad at Him because I can’t bring myself to hate Him. I am mad at myself for wanting to hate Him. It’s unbelievable. I am unbelievable. At this rate, my inability to vent out is a looming implosion. I think I’m going mad.

It would have been easier to blame the universe for any episode in my life that is not meant to be there. It would have been more convenient to say that I’m just one heck of a fortunate soul for having all these ‘opportunities’ lined up at my door. But with Him there really is no random thing, is there? That makes it harder to grasp. That’s what’s upsetting me in the first place. He’s undeniably capable of anything but seeing myself in these situations over and over again makes me feel like He’s at fault somehow. It’s so wrong, I know, I’m trying to defend Him against myself. It’s a struggle inside my head. I want Him to win, I really do.

But I’m tired.

There’s only so much load that one can carry for another. I don’t mind lending a hand, heck even an arm. But I didn’t sign up to be anyone’s carriage. That’s the thing about generosity though, it’s almost wrong to say at some point that you’re done and that’s just how far you can go, let alone to expect that in return you’d be favored one day. But I just want to live a life, my life. I want to be selfish for once. They say cut yourself off from the anchor that’s holding you back but if the anchor reveals itself in reality to be a part of the ship’s body, cutting it off is suicide.

I’m supposed to gleam with hope and enthusiasm but I flicker once in a while, more often maybe. Sometimes I wish perhaps if He could just love me less, see me less and just leave me be then things might have been easier, better. But who am I fooling? Who am I to say that I know things better than Him? He loves me in the only way He’s capable which is the best. Likewise, He’s blessing me the best way possible. I just wish I care less to understand. I wish I can say right now in all honesty that having God is enough. I wish all these will simply go away just because I have hope. But hope is a tricky thing, most days it pushes you forward and then one day, it’s the same thing that tires you out.

Not being able to fully understand God is frustrating but it is ridiculous for us to think we have the right to limit God into something we are capable of comprehending. (Francis Chan, Crazy Love)

It’s not rational after all, what He wants - He wants me. Despite my unworthiness, He has always wanted me. Despite my unreasonable doubts and lack of appreciation, despite all, He still wants me. Remind me, who’s defending who again now?

"These are my questions and I don’t have those answers yet but I’m gonna stay. I’m gonna remain. I’m not gonna walk away."

"These are my questions and I don’t have those answers yet but I’m gonna stay. I’m gonna remain. I’m not gonna walk away."

"These are my questions and I don’t have those answers yet but I’m gonna stay. I’m gonna remain. I’m not gonna walk away."

I just want to live a life, my life. And the universe is telling me, “Sorry kid, it’s not that simple.”

"Do you know what people really want? Everyone, I mean. Everybody in the world is thinking: I wish there was just one other person I could really talk to, who could really understand me, who’d be kind to me. That’s what people really want, if they’re telling the truth."

Reblogged from worshipgifs

Doris Lessing The Golden Notebook
(via ding-ang-bato)

"That’s the problem with being strong - people think they can say or do anything to you and you’re gonna still be standing, sturdy like a rock. People think that you’re never going to be sad, people think that you’re never going need them to be there for you, people expect you to be there for them round the clock even though you have your own battles to fight. That’s the problem with being strong."

Reblogged from thelovewhisperer

Daily Tumblr Love Quotes (via thelovewhisperer)

Real-life sfx and a break from the everyday city noise. *cricket cricket* #home #weekend

Reblogged from godstr0ng

(Source: worshipgifs)